I loved your examples! So often we can deal with the big things, because we know they're coming, and plan for them. And the small stuff we take on auto-pilot, then crash. My husband and I help each other identify "hooks", by saying (calmly and without judgment) "That response seems out of proportion to the situation." That gives us a chance to look at it, and see if we're reacting on auto-pilot, or truly reacting to the situation we're currently in. Usually, we're not. :-)